Tips for Difficult Family Caregiving Conversations
As your loved ones age, it is likely there will be several uncomfortable conversations you have to have with them. Things like finances, estate planning, care and treatment, and so on will have to be discussed; it is important to do it before it is too late. These conversations are difficult, though. So how do you have them?
Observe before you act! Before approaching your loved one with the idea of caregiving, be sure to observe their behaviors. If you want to talk about their personal hygiene, stay for a few hours and observe how they take care of themselves. If you are worried about how safe their home is, look around for slippery rugs or deep stairs that may be difficult to climb. This gives you examples and the reassurance you need that assisted care is probably the right option. It also gives you the chance to research options for care before presenting it to your loved one; they are likely to be more receptive when they know you have seen their struggles and they know their options.
Effectively communicate - and do so often. During these conversations, it can be extremely hard to say exactly what you are trying to say. Ever so, it is important that you are direct and caring with what you have to say. Try using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This can look like, “I am concerned about your eating habits.” This shows your concern for them; saying, “You need to eat more.” appears more accusatory and can often cause your loved one to respond on the defensive side. Ask them how you can help and make it a conversation. Your loved one is likely to check-out if they feel they are not being heard. Listen and validate their concerns, then come up with a plan together. As their health changes, make sure your conversations do as well. It is super important that these kinds of conversations happen often to ensure your loved one is always getting the care and support he or she needs.
Include all the key people in the conversation. Believe it or not, who is involved in the conversation is just as important as the actual conversation. It is imperative that your loved one feel at ease and comfortable talking to all those involved. This will help keep them calm and receptive to what you are saying. When the time comes for legal documents, be sure you have a notary and/or lawyer present. If the conversation is about finances, you may need an accountant there as well. Be sure to cover all your bases!
Approach with love, concern, and support! You want the best care for your loved one; we know that and they do too. However, your approach can turn them off to the conversation quickly. Remember you are on the same team and have the same goal. So, be sincere, show them you care, and be sure to hear them out. Just because they need assistance does not mean they need a new parent; offer your support and try not to make the conversation a power play.
Conversations like this will never get easier, but it is important that you start having them. When it is time to start researching care facilities, give us a call to see how we can help. Our goal is to always make the transition to our assisted care facility as smooth as possible. Use our website to schedule your tour today.